Phriday Phunnies

Apparently this guy was incarcerated for this incident.

You Heard It Here First!

Lately people have been discussing whom Obama will pick as his running mate. One thing is certain: with the Democrats' Senate majority so thin, no way will Obama pick a sitting senator. Do the math. So who does that leave?

The Short List

Wesley Clark
pros - military dood helps neutralize the 'security gap.'
cons - creepy smile on tv, won't necessary deliver a state

Barbara Boxer
pros - actual San Francisco liberal makes Obama look mainstream
cons - actual San Francisco liberal makes Obama look mainstream

Al Gore
pros - Nobel laureate, Oscar™, years of experience
cons - difficult to convince to run for thankless job

Madeline Albright
pros - beloved Clinton era figure whose initials aren't HRC
cons - born in Prague. Crypto Jew. Almost as old as McCain

Ann Richards
pros - neutralizes gender gap, might carry Texas
cons - died two years ago

Charlie Rangel
pros - decades of experience, Korean War Hero neutralizes McCain advantage
cons - two black guys on one ticket?

Tammy Baldwin
pros - voted against Iraq war, voted to impeach Cheney
cons - gaii

Now that I have exhausted all the options, I am ready to announce the winner. Your next vice president will be:

Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius!!
She will completely neutralize the disgruntled Hillary Clinton voting bloc! Time Magazine named her one of the top 5 governors! She's a Catholic from the middle of the country! I, for one, welcome our new Sebelian overlordess!

The Lanny Davis Cigarette Story

Via US News, here is The Lanny Davis Cigarette Story:

Three letters explain how former Clinton attack dog Lanny Davis scored an Air Force One ride to Washington after President Bush's recent Yale University commencement speech: DKE (Delta Kappa Epsilon), the fraternity Davis and Bush joined as Yale undergrads. The duo chatted for a long time on the ride home, mostly about the old days, like the time Bush hazed DKE recruit Davis. The lawyer tells us that he faced the normal five-hour hazing, ending with him standing beside a DKE brand shoved in a vat of hot coals. At this point, Bush and the others blindfolded Davis and asked him to lift his shirt. He did. Then Davis felt it: the hot sizzle of skin. But it was only a cigarette. "They really psyched me out," he says.

Now, via TPM and Veracifier, you too can watch as Laura Ingraham brands Lanny Davis with a lit cigarette:

Always look on the bright side of life

Sen. Edward Kennedy has malignant brain tumor
BOSTON - A cancerous brain tumor caused the seizure Sen. Edward M. Kennedy suffered over the weekend, doctors said Tuesday in a grim diagnosis for one of American politics' most enduring figures. "He remains in good spirits and full of energy," the doctors for the 76-year-old Massachusetts Democrat said in a statement.

If Ted Kennedy resigns (or dies) the Democrats may lose the majority in the Senate, which means that it now becomes possible to throw Joe Lieberman under the bus.

0 for 2 on Posterboys

First there was the "Marlboro Man":



We all know how that turned out:

Back home, he got married in June, but on duty during the Hurricane Katrina relief effort, Miller suffered from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and was granted an honorable discharge from the Marines in November.

Then there was the "We're Winning" guy:



Now we know how that turned out:

Very sad news. Army Staff Sgt. Ronald Blystone, who was on the cover of NR in 2005 (it was my "We're Winning" story), was killed by small arms fire while patrolling in Baghdad. He was on his third tour.

After Ira Hayes flamed out, you would think people would realize that these are ordinary human beings in extraordinarily difficult situations, not superheroes.

Karma

PICHER, Oklahoma (CNN) -- Residents in three Midwestern states spent Mother's Day sifting through the wreckage of their homes, trying to recover from powerful storms that left at least 21 people dead.

The storm system killed at least 20 people in the Midwest and then continued into the South, killing one person in Georgia, officials said.

According to my sources, no gay pride parades were planned in the area when the tornadoes hit. Furthermore, pagans and members of the ACLU are reportedly "thin on the ground" in that particular part of the country. San Francisco and the Upper West Side of NY, however, remain completely unaffected by tornadoes.

Phriday Phunnies

Found on GodTube - woman teaching her parrot the song "Jesus Loves Me." Could this be a metaphor?

More Fun with the NY Post

May 7, 2008 -- Anti-cop radicals - the New York Civil Liberties Union, The New York Times, the Rev. Al Sharpton - won't be happy 'til every last cop is off the streets (and maybe behind bars).

Their latest gripe: Between January and March, police stopped a few more folks than during the same period a year ago, including what the activists term a disproportionate share of blacks.

May 8, 2008 -- A journalist who was stopped and frisked by cops has hit the NYPD with a federal lawsuit, claiming he was a victim of racial profiling.

Leonardo Blair, a freelancer who has worked for The Post, had just left his car and was walking home in The Bronx on Nov. 28 when a cop confronted him and hauled him off to the 49th Precinct station house - an incident the reporter first described in a Post story on Dec. 2.